Beginning of the end

If this is the beginning of my holiday season, I'm praying long and hard for something different. It's so hard to think about the things I'm truly thankful for on Thanksgiving day when I woke up with a headache and a lot of anger from feeling pressured and being too tired to think of a good solution and ended my day with an argument that ended bitterly.

I tried really hard today to just be grateful for everything I have but the devil is really playing games with me right now. It's causing trouble to distract me from all the good things I should be thinking about and thankful for.

Regardless of all that happened today, I'm truly thankful for my family, for all the thanksgiving greetings via texts, email, or phone calls. I'm thankful for you even though you were PMSing (for men).

Gotta go midnight shopping now...

to be continued...

Yuletide Carols, christmas trees, and a big fat turkey

It's that time of year...
It used to be that everyone got together to decorate the Christmas trees; neighbors bringing cookies over to share; friends send Christmas cards to each other, and lovers share kisses under the mistletoe.

Now, it's about making it through to the next year. Somehow, Christmas is still my most favorite holiday. I love the music playing on 103.5. I love the decorations everywhere. I love the smell of cinnamon when you walk into Michaels to get your holiday decorations; but most importantly, I love watching my friends and family as they open their presents. The reactions my baby cousins give when they find that what they thought was in that big giant box would turn out to be a nice jacket, some really nice pants or dress, and a pair of shoes to match. I love watching them open each others' presents just because...

I remember when I would be the one opening boxes after boxes of presents. Now, I see envelops on the tree and know one of them must be for me. It really is better that way. *wink

So this year, even though it will never be the same, we made it through once again. I can only pray that it will get easier as the years go by.

Follow Your Heart

Do you follow your heart more, or your mind more?

I tend to follow my heart more, which really gets me into trouble sometimes because when I do follow my mind, my heart says, "Hey! What are you doing?! Your mind doesn't know what it's thinking. Follow me instead!"

I've been debating about graduate school. My mind is telling me, "you need to get a good score on your GREs so that you can go to a school with prestige." My heart is telling me, " You need to stop thinking about just going to a prestigious college and think about what you really want to do. Put your pride and ego down. Cal states can offer the same kind of education, especially when they have a good program that's of interest to you."

I'm also debating whether or not I may be settling for second best when I know I could do better. I know I can do better, but can I afford that? Honestly, I can't. I can't afford to take another GRE test knowing that it really doesn't matter. The GRE has been trying to make me feel like I'm not as intelligent as others who score higher than I did. The thing is, the GRE doesn't measure my level of intelligence. It does not measure my passion for helping others. It definitely does not measure my level of success. So, I say, F the GRE. It will not stop me from furthering my education just because some schools decided that they need the GRE scores in order to find good candidates for their graduate programs.

Anyway, I have been wasting my time and racking my brain over this. God did not put me into this world to be useless. I have a purpose and as long as I am striving to be the best version of me, I will do great things. I know Mother Theresa said to do little things with great love. But I say, why not do both great things with great love?

On a side note:
I followed my heart and it may have hurt people, but I was honest with myself, and most importantly, I was honest with them. If honesty wasn't enough, then I'm sorry. That's all I could offer.

Wisdom of the Unwise

I've got so much to learn from all of this. There's not a moment that I can let my guard down. It's pretty volatile actually how I have to always keep my guard up and realize that I cannot stray from reality. Reality is that words don't mean a thing until they're put into action and I cannot let these words give me hope or trample on it. I need to be true to what I believe in and how I feel. I've been feeling a bit detached mainly because when it's time to pray, I am way too tired.

I pray for patience and understanding; for humility and kindness; for the grace to accept things I cannot change; for peace.