41 Ways to Melt a Woman's Heart

So I was listening to Ryan Seacrest on kiis fm and he was talking about this. I dunno but I sorta don't agree with some of these "ways."

1. Ask her to dance.
2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.
3. When she’s coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk towards her as soon as you see her.
4. Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep.
5. Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family.
6. Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by.
7. Call her when you’re feeling sad.
8. Kiss her eyelids.
9. Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child.
10. Wash her from head to toe in the shower.
11. If she’s crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately.
12. Stand her naked on a sturdy chair and lick between her legs.
13. Occasionally call her by her first and middle names.
14. Buy her your favourite rock album of all time on vinyl.
15. Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it.
16. Undress her and put her to bed when she falls asleep in the car.
17. Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.
18. Send her something in the mail. Anything.
19. When she’s feeling insecure, stare into her eyes and tell her there is no-one in the world who could be as right for you as she is.
20. Call her just before you get on the plane.
21. Pick her clothes up off the floor.
22. Try desperately to make her laugh when she’s feeling down.
23. Take her to see your favourite sport live. Pay more attention to her than to the game.
24. Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back.
25. Shave just before you see her. She’ll notice.
26. Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard.
27. Worship her breasts.
28. Give her jewellery.
29. Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.)
30. Ask her specific questions about her work.
31. Keep her favourite cereal on hand.
32. In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her.
33. Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up.
34. Take her to a cabin with a fireplace. Build her a fire.
35. Moan her name when she goes down on you.
36. Read her a story when it’s her turn to drive during a long road trip.
37. Offer to fix something at her place that you realise is broken.
38. Notice when she’s wearing something new.
39. Make love to her standing up, against a wall.
40. Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies.
41. If she’s too stressed to want sex..
a. Run a bath for her.
b. Give her a full-body massage.
c. Ask if she wants to wrestle.

"buy her your favorite rock album of all time on vinyl"? wth. That wouldn't make me melt. But that's just me.

How bout you? lol

I realize that I've been very busy and neglecting a lot of things/people. I feel so afraid sometimes. It's like I don't know how to deal with my own emotions and I"m afraid that if I engage in long enough conversations with people, I'd end up bawling or doing something beyond my control because of my uncontrollable emotions. I hesitate to call people because I'm afraid of just blanking out or feeling like I need to get off the phone before I break. It seems like I'm busy now but in reality, I'm much more busy then I believe I am. There are so many things going on that are overwhelming me and I'm mustering every bit of strength I have or think I have to handle this.

I want to break away from you, because I don't trust myself when I'm around you; at least not enough yet. I just want to be able to say that all my feelings are legit but how can I say that when my emotions are bunged up. I'm sorry I got you into this mess but you can still get out of it.

"La la la la la la la life is wonderful..."

So tired. Whoever said school was easy is INSANE! I feel like I'm one step closer to the edge of a cliff. Hopefully by the time I have no more steps to take, I'll be wearing a parachute and I'll land on water. haha.

I should go to bed but I don't know what's keeping me awake. I guess it's a mixture of everything that's been happening. I'm sorta trying to get out of this big puddle of fear. Fear of letting go, encountering new things/people, fear of moving on. Here's a great song. I usually use songs to express myself when I can't find the words to do it.

It's so hard to rebuild yourself. You want to become a new person and put the past behind you but it's hard when people still hold that image of you in their minds. It's almost like they won't allow you to change for the better. Who wants to live when their names always follow a warning sign.

Warning! Becky's indecisive and has hurt a lot of people in the past.
Warning! John is a player.
Warning! Lily is not good at being faithful.

....how do you expect these people to change and improve on certain things about themselves if you don't leave those thoughts behind first? It makes it so hard for people to accept themselves when they know others have not.

Just a thought.

I miss you Dad.
I wish you were here.
You'd wipe away these tears.

I'm angry. I don't know how long I can take this before I really break. For real.

WARNING! Tracy's running out of effing patience.

You know how there are some things you really wanna do but you just can't...for the greater good of things? Yea, I hate that. There are things I want to do but it requires hurting people..so what do I do? So, do I just isolate myself? Or do I live my life? This is so freakin' hard.

What do You want from me?!

Some may say I'm being selfish and I think I am sometimes...but does giving up what you want considered an act of selfishness?

How can I do things for people to make them happy without misconstruing my intentions? What, should I just be mean to people? No. I'm not about that.

This sucks.

I'm letting go of my wants and focusing on my needs.

I need You.

I know. I'm sorry.

I think I'm really spoiled. I've gotten so much more than I could ever ask for, but sometimes I take advantage of this. I don't deserve any of it at all. I think I'm really selfish. Someone shared at the meeting that the things that God wants you to do are the things that you don't want to do, the things that are hardest to do. Sometimes I feel really weak. It's like I want so much to feel happy that sometimes I don't want to realize that what I'm doing is selfish. Sigh. I'm sorry.

Your understanding warms my heart and your support strengthens me. Cam on Mi Xao. =]

Studying....but not really

I'm trying to study but today I saw a picture and it made me feel uneasy inside. I don't feel a great need to specify what I saw but what I saw brought me through 4 previous years. A bit of sadness and confusion still linger within me and I'm not sure when it'll ever go away. I'm listening to this song from Michael Buble called Everything. Somehow this song makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because of the thoughts that come to mind when listening to this song, and sad because they're all just thoughts. AH hah! Chayanne...funny how all these songs are playing one after the other. I'd like to think that everything happens for a reason and if you look deep enough, you'll figure out what the reason is.

Yesterday I had dinner with Audrey and while sharing with her things that are going on with me, I was able to evaluate them as well. I realize that I'm trying too hard to keep on walking down this road, accepting that I cannot be walking down two different roads at one time. I can only be at one place at a time. If only time stood still, but it doesn't. If I choose to walk down one road, I can only keep on going to get to where I want to go. On this long narrow road, I might come across nice shady trees to rest under and feel comfort after a long day's walk, but I might come across bumps and obstacles that will make me want to just turn back. What do I do? All I can do is keep on moving and hope that in the end, wherever I end up, I'll be happy with. I will always wonder what the other road looks like and where it leads to, but who knows? Maybe there are two different roads leading up to the same destination. You might ask why I didn't choose the other road to begin with....well, my only explanation for that is....the road is way too narrow and someone is already walking down that road. If I were to walk down the same road, I would either be behind or in front. I don't want that. I'd rather be walking beside. By taking the other road, I can only hope that we're both walking together, just down different roads and maybe...just maybe we'll end up in the same place. If not, I can only hope that my destination is as great as the other destination.

Struggles only make you stronger if you challenge them.

That's all for now.

Happy studying! =]

Something's just not right. I feel so uneasy. For some reason, I feel like I've done something wrong and it's affecting everyone but I don't really know what I did. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I'm sorry for, but I'm sorry. Today was a long day in a way. Not that that's a bad thing but this weekend has been filled with a lot of tasks that I got done. On Saturday, I woke up at 9 to go see my doctor. I waited for like 3 hours before I was able to go inside to see the doc. I was sooooo hungry and they wanted to take my blood but I told them that it wasn't a good idea cus I was super hungry and if they took my blood, I could like pass out or something. So..I'm coming back this Tuesday morning to get a blood test. I'm not really fond of needles...well I guess not the needle itself cus it doesn't really hurt, but the thought of blood coming out and stuff makes me sick. But, gotta do what I gotta do. " I can do all things with Him who strengthens me" right? right. So anyway, after that I went home to get something to eat. Then I had to go get a livescan/finger printing for my internship. On the way, I took out the list of places I could go, and all of them said appts only. Darn. Sooo...I went home and my mom told me to go get my eyes checked. So I went to the optometrist. The good news is, my eyes are okay and "healthy." The bad news is now I have to figure out why my head hurts so much all the time...my theory was that it was because I didn't wear my glasses often enough so my eyes had to refocus all the time. But, I guess not. I dunno. Anyway, my brother's birthday was yesterday too. So, I had a couple of shots and beers to celebrate with him. I think my tolerance has skyrocketed after v2o.

Today, I was at Interfaith the majority of the time. When I wasn't there, I was at Paul's talking about issues concerning stuff. vague I know. But yea..anyway, I got to sing a meditation today. It was...rejuvenating...well while I was singing it to say the least. Nez took the harmony and guitar, and Mel on the piano. It was really good. The funny thing is, I was taking a short nap before mass and I woke up all of a sudden, and sorta just ran to Interfaith. If it was any other day, I would've backed out, but for some reason, even though my voice was groggy, and I couldn't hear in my right ear, I wanted to sing it. I guess you say can it was Him and not me.

Afterwards, I was planning to just go home and study, but decided to stop at Our Lady. Once, again, it was Him. It was nice to be on my knees right there in front of Him and just talk.

I just wish there was a clear direction but there just seems to be a constant struggle to figure out where to go.

This is random, but you can never know what someone's really thinking or feeling inside when you see them cry, but it's amazing how you can at least catch a glimpse of it. When you see others' at the most vulnerable state, how does it make you feel? It makes me want to be more humble. It makes me realize that because they're humble enough to show their vulnerability and weaknesses, that I can do that too.

I dunno, I just have a lot of thoughts running through my mind and not all of them are coherent.

I also feel really sick cus I ate something that probably had a lot of MSG in it. I can't stand a lot of MSG because I start to feel sick to my stomach...my mom has the same reaction to MSG, so I think I got it from her. I got a lot of things from my mom.

k, I'm gonna lay down cus I really don't feel good.

Good night. =]

Confusion

I think there's been some confusion. Maybe some people think that I can't speak for myself and so another person is speaking on my behalf. The truth is, I know I'm not ready for whatever role it is that people think I want to take. I haven't been around for very long, and I don't mind just singing. I don't want anyone to speak for me, and I don't want people to think I'm complaining. Sure, when there's such a big group, people are gonna feel left out and I totally understand that. It's all good. I do what I can, and I help whenever I can. So, if I can help you in any way, let me know. This is me, speaking for myself, and not anybody else.

It's a whole different story when you feel like your opinions don't matter just because you stepped out for a while and now you're back in the game. I think feeling left out and feeling unappreciated are two different types of feelings. For this, I definitely feel unappreciated. I don't want any glory for the things I've done, but I also don't want to feel like what I've done has no meaning. It's changed. A lot. And I'm super worried.

ahh...I"m gonna go to sleep. Good night.