Lent

For those of you who went to Ash Wednesday mass yesterday and paid attention to Father John Francis' homily, did you like it?
I think he was speaking to me. haha. Now I don't even remember exactly what he said. It was something about how we only hurt ourselves when...something something happens..darn it. I can't remember.

But anyway, it was a good way to start off Lent. A good message to keep me going.

So, I successfully refrained from going on facebook the whole day and although I had a yearning to check it, I didn't. I didn't feel desperate or an itch to check it or anything so that's good.

I only accidently said the F word once when my schedule was screwed up.

I slept before 12am last night. =]

I've been praying every night for awhile. I find it easier to sleep at night when I do.

Of course, all of these things are goals that I want to achieve and what better time to start it then during Lent. A time for us to suffer with God. There's a difference between choosing to suffer with Him and suffering without a choice. It was hard when I had no choice, but now, it will be even harder because I can choose to suffer with Him or not.

FJF said Lent is not a time to give up things. It's a time to do things. In a way, I'm not sure what I'm doing is what God wants me to do. hmm...

i guess I'll have to wait and see.

Gosh. I have so many questions for you but I keep erasing and canceling and...uhh. I just need to be patient. In due time...things will fall into place. *Woo Sahhh*

I wish we could go back to how it used to be.
When you were you and I was me.

Last night...

So last night I prayed...like every night. Sometimes I can't tell if God's telling me something or if it's just me making up the stuff in my head and convince myself that it's God telling me that. But last night, I really feel like God was really telling me something. This is what he said...

"Wait...but don't wait for something or someone." So does that mean wait without expectations? Like any kind of expectations at all whether good or bad?

I'm still working on making sense of that but for now, I'll just wait and see what He's got planned for me.

Okay. So it happened yet again. You know, I'm pretty stubborn. It's like I'll take me out of myself for a couple seconds, and realize I'm just crazy. I ask myself all the time...when will I stop trying? When will I stop neglecting my own feelings just for the sake of holding on to something? But you know, it doesn't matter how love affects you...it's your choice. And, I guess it's my choice to make myself vulnerable to heart breaks after heart breaks. God gives me strength but He's gotta give me something to test it, otherwise it serves no purpose....no meaningful purpose at least.

I will keep on persevering, until God tells me I need to stop. I know I'm being tested, and I'm tired of failing.

I am also in charge of my own happiness, so it's about time I take control.

Omg. I really need a vacation. AWAY from all of THIS.