Why do I feel like I'm being condemned just because I'm fighting for my happiness? Why is it anyone's business? Do I have to tell the world? Is it okay to tell the world? It's like I'm always stuck between making others happy or making myself happy. I can't just be happy and make others happy can I....if that's possible then I'm a complete failure at it. I'm sorry for what my heart tells me to do but I have to follow it.

I am really sorry.

Chapter 22

I'm finally a college graduate. It is actually pretty surreal. Even after the walking, the pictures, the congratulations...I still feel like this weekend was a dream. I can't believe that 4 years have passed and I'm now done with college. It's scary thinking about grad school and what I will be doing this year. I know that wherever God decides to take me, I'm going to make the best of it and enjoy every moment.

I've met great people and developed many powerful friendships. But the reality of life is that not everything will go your way. I've gained many friends but I've also lost some. Some I've lost fully and some I feel like I'm losing. I'm thankful, though, for this chance to be put in this situation. It's only through losing people that you realize how much they really mean to you and how much you meant to them. I have no intention of holding on to friendships that are harmful to my growth and the other person's.

There are friendships that I wish were stronger or didn't get weak. Some things are out of my control and I wish I could make everything right. I feel so hurt when I see that a friend is hurt because of me...mainly because I can't or don't really know what to do to make it better. I'm sorry that I'm inadequate in that area.

The only thing I can do is put my faith in God and trust that if he wants me to remain connected with certain people, there will always be opportunities for us to reconnect.

This is the next chapter. I can't avoid the downs of life, but I know I can try to write great moments and experiences. I'm ready for this. My pen's in hand...

Ready too

I'm ready to begin this new chapter in my life. This is gonna be a great one!

Finally

Finally. After so much thought. I finally hit the send button.

I don't regret it because I know I've tried by best.

I've finally let go of my own desires and I'm letting God take over.

Who said broken hearts couldn't find consolation?

I'm ready.

(=|)

You used to care if you disappointed me, and you used to make an effort to reassure me that you were sorry and to wish me good luck.

You came home this weekend,
that day was so tough.
I sang you a song.
But that wasn't enough.

It's hard not to believe,
that I've been abandoned.
That I'm no longer needed,
That I've been forgotten.

I have no regrets.
I carry good thoughts.
I'm proud of myself,
For how hard I've fought.

I know you don't need me,
but do keep in mind,
That whenever you're weary,
You know who to find.

God gave me this grace,
To love with my heart.
This love I'll embrace,
Although we're apart.

It's not possible to unlove,
Or just put love away.
But it's possible to love,
just in another way.

I'm not much of a poet,
I can't really rhyme.
But this is how I show it,
This awesome Love of mine.