What a 30 Minute Nap Can Do

So today after work, I was going to go to the beach, but I decided to go chill at the park with my guitar instead. It's so amazing to be able to slow down and relax under a tree. I was taking a nap but not really. I rested my head on the body of my guitar so it wasn't very comfortable. I had some worship music playing. So, I guess you could say I was meditation more than napping. I had a pretty good reflection of my weekend and my day up to that point.

I kept thinking, if it's not meant to happen, it's not going to happen. I can lay here forever and it won't happen. Just because it happened before, doesn't mean that it's meant to happen again. Also, I was hoping for it to happen. Before, I didn't even expect it.

Then, somehow I found peace, knowing that this mystery is what makes me come to God everyday. I slowly drifted away as I listened to the voice singing "I will rest in You...I will rest in You."

I'm so amazed at how strong some of my friends are. I wish they could share of that their strength with me. I always coach myself and prep for what I need to do, but when the time comes, I get weak and I end up not being able to.

I think I need to really watch how I act around people, especially the boys. My best friend says I flirt with them, that's why they end up interested or whatever. But, I honestly don't realize it. What's considered "flirting"? I can't use smiley faces in my texts anymore because that's flirting? I don't get it. I guess I'm not 8 anymore and I need to realize that boys don't just ask you to hang out because they want to be your friend. I really wish it was just that simple.

Also, I really don't like knowing that some people don't like me. For reasons that I'm not even aware of. So these two people don't like me because, they were playing some dirty song on their ipod and when I came into the room, as a joke I said, "oh this song is too dirty for me, can we change it?" My friends would've said something like " deal with it or something" to joke back. But these people took me so seriously. =\

I hate when people take things I say the wrong way, and don't even confront me about it so that I can have a chance to explain myself. One time someone asked me if I've been to an Angels game before and I said, " I've been to an Angels game before so I kinda know what to expect." That was taken as, oh I've been here before and I don't wanna be here. I actually felt pretty hurt when I heard that that's how they had perceived it. I didn't even think of it that way.

Guess I just really need to think clearly about what I'm about to say, before I say it. Even then, when I think it's okay, people still take it the wrong way. Should I just stop talking in general? >_< I'm actually getting kinda frustrated writing about this...

Anyway, my best friend came over just earlier. She told me a lot of things I needed to hear...not exactly wanted to..but very much needed. One of these days I'll muster up the courage to do what I need to do. One of these days.

For now, I'm going to go to bed because I have work at 8 am tomorrow. Yikes!!