On the 9th day of Christmas...

It's been 2009 for a whole 24 hours and 12 minutes. 08 sure passed by in a blink of an eye. For some reason, even though it's no longer 2008, I feel like it doesn't want me to move forward...like it's tugging at my leg. I just feel like all that's happened in 08 are just too heavy and too much that it has to spill over to 2009. I really want to be optimistic but it's really tough especially when reality likes to visit like every single freaking day.

You don't really know how it feels to lose someone, until you lose them. Your whole life changes and you try to figure out what your purpose is everyday you wake up knowing that that person is no longer there. You laugh and you put on a smile to convince yourself that you'll be okay but inside you just want to isolate yourself so people won't see how miserable you really are. Everyday you wake up wanting to go back to sleep...and the next time you woke up, you wished it were all a bad dream.

The friends you used to laugh with, cry with, bicker with no longer have the same interests you have....or you don't have the same interests anymore. Whatever it may be, you just don't feel the same connection you once felt. You thought that after almost 7 years of friendship, they would care if you were hanging out with them on new year's day...a sort of tradition...but one of them decides to un-invite you because she's just tired of dealing with you...little did she know, you're also tired of dealing with her. After 7 years of friendship, you've finally found enough courage to say what you really feel inside without fearing that you might hurt her feelings...for once in 7 years, you're able to challenge the things she says to you without feeling like you're the bad guy.

I've not sure what my new year's resolution(s) is/are, all I know is I need to take care of myself and I need to not be afraid to speak my mind. I'm not as articulate as many people, and I may stumble upon my words, but I'm making it a goal to improve on that.

I also need to not fall for everyone who's nice to me. That's been proven to cause too much drama.

So, I'm gonna be focused this year...only on my academic goals and my health.