I was debating whether or not to get rid of this blog. I read over my previous blogs and they were so depressing and annoying. I guess that's why I haven't really been writing much. I haven't been talking much. I haven't been around much. It's really hard and I feel myself getting weaker and weaker. Before I could just leave my problems aside and just focus on the good things (friends, family, church, etc.) Now, I find myself hiding a lot because of fear. Fear that I might bring someone down with me. I also fear talking to people because I don't feel like I have anything good or happy to say. A couple of people have been quiet with me as well and the reason for that...or so they say...is that I don't talk or call them either. This is the part where I feel like I'm losing people in my life.

I also feel impatient and short tempered. Some people have had to deal with this, and I'm really sorry you had to and thankful that you haven't walked away. I really try but sometimes I can't control it. It's like nothing really makes me happy nowadays. I really hate the fact that I've lost a lot of interest in a lot of things. Sign of depression? Maybe. It's funny that I'm a psych. major and I'm constantly trying to diagnose myself.

I haven't really written much about my internship experience. So, I'll tell you about one experience that was both interesting and scary. So, I was shadowing one of the case workers at the site. We went to a psych. ward to visit a client. Now, a few months earlier, this client was fine. He was working, going to school, doing his thing. Then all of a sudden he had a mental breakdown. He claimed that he was hearing voices and seeing evil spirits. So when we came in to visit him, he was looking for a nurse to ask if he could go to a medical hospital. He said he knows he's in a mental hospital but he needs a medical hospital because the evil spirits were attacking him and were going to kill him. My case worker and I convinced him to go back to his room and talk. So we came back and he kept saying that he couldn't stop shaking and that his chest was hurting and he couldn't breathe. The he said that the evil spirits were standing right in front of him and they were waiting for us to leave so they could attack him. I really wanted to ask him how the evil spirits were attacking him but didn't have the chance because my case worker kept talking to him. That was such an interesting experience.

Anyway, that's all.

Have a good night everyone.