Chapter 6

Accept The Dance of Oneness and Separateness

Intimacy requires an ability to both merge and be separate, to come together and be apart, like oscillating on a giant swing from oneness to separateness, creating a constant rhythm and, for many, feelings of anxiety. We sometimes feel anxious because falling in love and starting a new relationship resurrects any buried feelings about our original attachment to our mother or a primary caregiver. We were once completely merged with our mother and, often unconsciously, we still desire to find that feeling of union. We want someone to completely enfold us and take care of us.

Until we become emotionally separate from an intrusive or controlling parent and release the accompanying guilt- which is really a cover for our rage and anger- we are likely to get into distant or chaotic push-over relationships. Whenever someone gets close to us we tend to see them as the critical or intrusive parent, and misinterpret their motivation and intent.

Releasing guilt requires that we connect with our underlying resentment and anger. This crime of breaking a symbiotic loyalty tie is a necessary one, however, because only through forging a separate identity and finding our authentic voice, can we give birth to our own true self and see others clearly.

As we evolve on the spiritual path, we find a balance between being together—welcoming, present, and alive—and being separate, because life is rich either way.

We want intimacy, but we don’t want to give up doing things our way, or to let go of our longing to have someone take care of us. These fears come from the stories that conceal our wounds.

It might help to remember that at an energy level, win or lose its all the same: our tears of joy and tears of pain are both one energy, the flow of who we are. We can either bargain, hold back, and hang onto comfort and security, or we can take a deep breath and leap into the fire.

Final Thoughts: Juanito's supposed to be with his mommy right now. Hope he's okay with his daddy though.