Ego is not an enemy to be broken or demolished, as is often portrayed in spiritual literature. We don’t want to get rid of the ego; we want to soften it, make it porous and receptive, so information, thoughts, and compassion flow in and out. A healthy ego allows us to have the strength of our convictions yet be open to others. Psychological literature often refers to ego strength—a sureness about ourselves that rests calmly inside, the will to actualize our dreams, or stand fast to our beliefs without worrying about the consequences.
There are some ways to distinguish between spirit and ego. These are some examples of getting caught in the ego.
-Looking to someone as the perfect person, savior, parent
-Giving frequent unsolicited advice
-Hiding our accomplishments and intelligence to protect another’s ego
-Hiding our vulnerability- fears, discomfort, questions, care, tenderness
-Defending and criticizing ourselves and others
Underlying all these behaviors is fear: fear of being spontaneous and natural and trusting your instincts. Fear of simply sitting with your internal discomfort, anxiety, shame and emptiness. Fear of not knowing what to do.
Only by slowing down and reflecting on our own processes and motives can we soften our ego.
Here are examples of when we operate from spirit.
-We listen intently, becoming attuned to the other’s experience and not pasting them into our story lines
-We present ourselves as we are without enhancing or diminishing ourselves
-We ask for what we want without demanding it or being upset if we don’t get it
-We stay in touch with our inner experience and reactions. We are guided by internal cues and experience.
-We speak the truth as best we can- kindly, with compassion- not to change someone, but because truth is our path and the only foundation for loving relationships.
- We bring a broad perspective to all events and remember that everything is an experiment in being evermore aware, present, and loving.
Final Thoughts: Much love remains...
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