There's a hole in my heart. One that has been taken away and will never be returned to me. I live my life now trying to gather as much of that part of my heart that's missing to fill the hole, but the truth is, it will never be able to fill up and my heart will never be whole again.

I try to find completeness in God, only to find emptiness. I will never be complete as long as I continue to have this hole in my heart. I will continue to have this hole in my heart because the person that can fill up this hole is gone forever.

Sometimes I ask myself, why am I trying so hard to live? Why am I still living when this world brings so much pain. The only answer I can come up with is that I don't want to be a disappointment- to my dad, my mom... So, I continue to live, with this heavy heart of mine, hoping that somewhere along the line, someone would come and give me a hand.

I don't think that there's a single moment in my day that I don't think about you. Sometimes I feel like I fall so short and I completely fail you. I don't understand. I can't relate. I'm inpatient...and the list goes on. But I try. I try my best to understand. To relate. To be patient. But when I express something that deep down inside, is very important to me, you say, "I'm done talking about this." I'm beginning to think that it's not really the fact that I feel this way....but it's the fact that I feel this way about THIS PERSON...that upsets you. You will never understand how I feel as long as you continue to think that this is my problem and I have to deal with it on my own.

I'm sorry that sometimes I say things that seem passive aggressive, but I'm definitely not sorry for feeling this way about this person. I wish that you would question why this person makes me feel this way, instead of making this just MY problem.

I really wish my dad was here. Sitting alone at home is the most loneliest feeling I will ever feel, and I definitely understand why my grama doesn't like to stay at home during the day and has to go work and school so that she wouldn't have to.

When will I ever be complete? That's a question only God knows the answer to.