I realize that I've been very busy and neglecting a lot of things/people. I feel so afraid sometimes. It's like I don't know how to deal with my own emotions and I"m afraid that if I engage in long enough conversations with people, I'd end up bawling or doing something beyond my control because of my uncontrollable emotions. I hesitate to call people because I'm afraid of just blanking out or feeling like I need to get off the phone before I break. It seems like I'm busy now but in reality, I'm much more busy then I believe I am. There are so many things going on that are overwhelming me and I'm mustering every bit of strength I have or think I have to handle this.

I want to break away from you, because I don't trust myself when I'm around you; at least not enough yet. I just want to be able to say that all my feelings are legit but how can I say that when my emotions are bunged up. I'm sorry I got you into this mess but you can still get out of it.

"La la la la la la la life is wonderful..."