So, I spent the whole day cleaning...just cleaning everything that was bugging me. Everything was bugging me practically. I cleaned the interior of my car only because it might rain tomorrow and that would defeat the purpose of washing my car. Anyway, I'm having the meanest headache because even though I wanted to clean to take my mind off things, I forgot that cleaning actually gives me time to think. The Christmas party was really nice. I loved the decorations, the music, the activities...just everything. Except..for some reason I didn't feel worthy to be there. As soon as I came in, I just felt so out of place. I'm not sure why I felt that way because everyone was welcoming. Bad marbles and nice pretty marbles don't fit together very well and I feel like I was one of the bad, chipped, marbles that was trying to fit in with the nice, shiny, colorful marbles. I'm not just talking about appearance either although everyone looked really nice.
I feel like I'm being condemned...on the surface, it sure doesn't look like it, but there are some things you can just feel coming from certain people. I don't blame them either. I understand why they would, but I wish I could speak up more so they could at least know what's going on inside my head...I don't expect anyone to understand.
Today was just a cold and gloomy day. Maybe that's why I feel a little bit more gloomy than usual.
You know, there are things I wish I didn't cause but it's too late. It's been done and I can't take it back. All I can really do is...wait...wait for things to just be normal again. It's better if I can keep my hands tied, and my mouth shut. I think I've caused enough trouble already.
And...I'm sorry.
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