The title of this entry is the title to one of the many songs I sang this weekend at Java Jazz Jesus. This weekend for me, was filled with so many blessings. I'm in a band! A real band, with a drummer, key, guitar, and bass. Here's the crazy part though, one of the band members suggested that I learn the bass. LOL! Isn't that funny?! They said it would be more marketable because a girl in a band who can sing and play the bass is hot... I dunno...hot is probably not the word to describe me...maybe "out of her mind." LOL. I'm gonna give it a try because you never know til you try. We still haven't made up our minds about the band name yet, but that will be disclosed in a later blog I guess.
So anyway, I've sort of discovered love anew this past weekend. Discover Love Anew is I guess the catch phrase at the Caritas retreat I went on this past January. I've discovered that I can try to shut off my feelings but in all honesty, all the love that I have still remains. Despite the problems that may have led me to bitterness and resentment before, it all boils down to one thing... I still love.
It was a great feeling to see everyone again at the Caritas reunion. We had a taize prayer which moved me to tears, just like it did at the retreat. I think at that moment, I just felt a lot of love in that room. It was pretty overwhelming.
I had great conversations this weekend that allowed me to learn so much more about myself and about other people. I'm feeling butterflies in my stomach right now just thinking about it.
God really has a way.
i've learned to stop asking why questions and am beginning to ask how questions. Instead of asking "why are my classes such a mess and why isn't there another class I can take so that I won't be missing Mustard Seeds again? Or, why did I get a b+ in a class that I was confident I was going to ace?", I'm beginning to ask, questions like "how can I work my schedule out so that even if I can't come to the meeting, I can still hang out with Hat Cai? and How can I better my study habits so that I will get A's this last quarter?"
Those are just examples. I find that avoiding the "why" questions really helps me to explore the "process" more then just dwelling on what has already happened. It's hard still and I sometimes resort back to asking why, but I'm making a big effort to avoid it. Thank you anh for enlightening me. =]
There's only so much time in a day for us to do what we want to do. If we spend half of it complaining, that's half of it that we've wasted.
This is my last quarter and I want to make it the best. I have great friends who I know will make my last quarter at UCI GREAT! Everything that I've experienced up to this point has made me who I am right now. I'm grateful for all the struggles I went through and even more grateful for all the great moments I've experienced. I refuse to have senioritis! I'm being offered such a great opportunity, that many people only dream of, to learn in a great environment. It may have taken me 4 years to feel this way about my education, but changes start somewhere, and I'm just excited that I have one last chance in my undergrad to do really really well.
It's too bad that I got bad grades throughout my 4 years at UCI, but it's the past. I can't change it and I really don't want to waste my time feeling guilty and sorry that I didn't try as hard as I should have. The present moment is what I'm interested in now. The choices that I've made may not have been very smart, but I still have choices now. I still have a choice to do well, so that's what I'm going to do!
Yay to great friends, family, and God!
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