Fearless

I wish I was fearless.

In my creative mind, there is a future too.

Many have asked me.."why don't you just explore possibilities...why don't you just date?" There's very little desire for me to do that. I don't know that that's what I want at the moment, but as soon as I start just living and not looking too far ahead of myself, I think I'll understand a lot more. I think I've actually gone on a couple of dates that I didn't realize until I pieced things together. What's the definition of a date? I guess to me, a date would mean someone takes you out and pays for you, which is exactly what happened, although I didn't think of it that way. hmm...

Anyway, I was talking to a friend of mine last night...well, two friends. They both said, "why don't you date just to date?" I guess in my mind, dating is a process of finding someone you can potentially spend your life with. I never really thought of it as just getting to know people and "letting them make you feel special." That's what my other friend said. haha.

In a book I read, the author said, " You shouldn't love based on fear...that's not loving unconditionally."

One of the friends I talked to last night also say, "If God intended it to be a certain way, no matter how much you fight it, it will end up that way. He will laugh at you for wanting to know the answer right now." She also told me to think of it like the pages in the book of my life. If this page is too hard to understand at the moment, I can just fold it in half and go on to the next page. I can revisit that page, open it up and find that I understand it a lot better because of the answers the pages I moved on to gave me.

I love this imagery! Well, I don't really know what it is...a metaphor? Anyway, that really help put things in perspective for me. I think I need a break from all of this and just take this time to enjoy life for what is it. It's true, there IS connectedness amidst separateness.