Have I changed?

So I've changed and I cant be recognized anymore some have said. Am I not the same Tracy I was before? Of course not. I'm a different person now. I'm someone who continued to fight for what she loved until she had to learn to let it go. I'm someone who tries to be a better person because of Love and for Love. I'm someone who, now, realizes that she is capable of loving against all odds. If by changing this way, I have caused the loss of what/who I changed for, then only God knows why.

All these reasons cause too much confusion when there's really one reason; whatever that is from the heart.

I'm not sure what God is trying to tell me but somehow I feel like he's giving me this chance to thing about something that I've never wanted to think about. I've always shoved it aside and joked about it as if it would never be a possibility. Could it be that this is for me?

On a lighter note, I'm about to embark on a new journey. I will be starting my volunteer training this Saturday for Stand Up For Kids, an organization that helps kids on the streets or in low-income families by providing therapy/counseling, and domestic needs. I'm very excited and can't wait to see where this will lead me. I'm also a bit nervous because of the uncertainty. There are many uncertainties in my life right now but I must continue living forward to get to the point where all of these uncertainties will be revealed to me.

I feel a lot of peace tonight and even though this is not consistent, I can only pray that it will slowly become a consistent feeling. Feeling of peace. This weekend's Emmaus gathering really shed light on a lot of things I was having trouble grasping. I find that through community, I am able to express myself fully who I am. I also realized that I am much stronger than I think I am; to face such a difficult task every day and make it through with at least, a smile, or a good laugh. I must admit, no matter how hard I try, I cannot find myself to be lighthearted about certain situations because it causes me to assume things. What does it mean to be lighthearted? Not to take it too seriously? I'm working on not having assumptions about certain matters. The only way I can succeed in that is to completely move on. There's a lot of steps to moving on, I believe. The step I'm at is moving on with life. The next step....the hardest....is moving on with my heart.

to be continued...