My heart is still searching for a sign that You love me. I feel so blessed to have great friends, a loving family, and great opportunities and I thank You everyday. But why don't I feel loved by You? Would I be in so much pain? Would I have to work so hard to turn a frown into a smile? If You loved me, why would I be going through this?
There are times when I would get this feeling of reassurance that this is a test of humility and of my unconditional love for You. The question I continue to ask myself everyday is: Should I continue to love You even though I don't feel Your love? My heart longs for You. I wish there was something that You could do to reassure me that You haven't abandoned me. I've felt so abandoned and my lonely heart continues to seek for Your love.
After much thought, I was able to face my pride and chose to walk through the road of humility just to let you know that I love you. My wish has always been to be the one to make you happy. It's through little acts of love for you that I was able to find happiness.
I continue to fight this struggle. The struggle of who's love I should really be searching for. Although I don't feel love from neither end, the love I should really be searching for alone is the love of God. Although I don't feel it, I know that I am loved by Him. My heart beats because of Him. Now, it needs to beat FOR Him.
1 comment:
Here's a great reading from Lightworks
Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Post a Comment